Religion and Domestic Violence

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Why consider the religious or spiritual issues of Religion and Domestic Violence? Because these are fundamental not only to the believing victim and abuser as well as their Church, but also to all those who live in a culture which is largely based upon Christian moral values and traditions.

Religious people across all denominations are not exempt from Domestic Abuse, however, there appears to be a serious lack of understanding regarding abuse and the dynamics of abusive relationships and their impact upon the lives of people involved within churches and demoninations generally.

When considering Religion and Domestic Violence we have to realise that religious or spiritual factors are central to the victim's understanding and response. His/her own faith and the support of Church members can be vital in helping the healing process, while a lack of understanding regarding the Biblical perspective on abusive relationships by the victim or those he/she turns to for spiritual guidance and support can add to the emotional, physical and financial hurdles already faced. 

Many women in abusive relationships feel they ought to submit to their husbands out of duty, that they have no right over their own body, life or even opinions. Quite often this misconception is furthered by advice from clergy, elders, rabbis or other members of the Church or congregation. Some men may feel trapped by their beliefs in an abusive relationship, unsure of their position towards their wives or girl-friends. Some men may feel that unless they lord it over their partners, they are not doing as they ought to in the sight of God, that their position is one of Master, of Lord of the household. Often quotations or excerpts from the Bible are used to justify abusive behaviour, or the suppression by one member of the household of another. This in itself is a form of spiritual abuse.

There is No Fear in Love by Diane Stelling - looks at God's Words on fear and love and at how we can apply them in assessing the health of our relationship.

What about Forgiveness?

One of the main dilemnas facing both the victim of abuse and the Church leaders and/or members when dealing with the perpetrator of Domestic Violence, is the question of Forgiveness. Should we forgive the abuser unconditionally? How do we tell if repentance has taken place? Should the acts be forgiven and forgotten? For the victim, is it her/his duty to forgive each incident, act as though nothing had happened and continue to put herself/himself at risk from the abuser? Do we need to be forgiven ourselves and is that forgiveness available to us?

How to Help Abuse Victims Spiritually by Diane Stelling - looks at how important it is not for the abuse victim to be told that she/he is forgiven by Jesus, but that she/he is innocent in the eyes of God.

The Sin of Forgiveness - excerpted from 'The Survivor Activist', deals mainly with the response toward child abusers. However, the principles detailed are applicable to all sexual or violent abuse.

Responsibility of Church Leaders

Many victims of abuse turn to their church leader for advice on how to deal with the abuse, whether it is acceptable in the sight of the Lord to leave the abuser, is divorce an option which is acceptable to the Lord, can the Church help to stop the abuse, hold the abuser accountable, help to protect the victim and children? How then should the Elder, Priest, Rabbi or Priest respond? The following guidelines have been drawn up by the Center for the Prevention of Sexual and Domestic Abuse, and provide vital advice for spiritual leaders of any Church or denomination trying to help both the abused and the abuser:

Responding to Domestic Violence: Guidelines for Pastors and Rabbis

The Mission Statement by the organisation 'Christians for Biblical Equality', states clearly and with plenty of references back to the Bible, just what the position of both Men and Women is in relation to each other, in Church, in Society and in the Family, and makes an excellent starting-point for those confused about or interested in clarifying their positions within the context of their Church or creed.

Since a lot of the spiritual abuse found within the contxt of domestic violence stems directly from a misunderstanding of our relative position in the context of God, man and woman, this mission statement is a good starting point for trying to claryfiy our relative positions and deconstruct the false premisis we have been living our religious life under.

Please check out the article under the following link:

Men, Women and Biblical Equality

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