Recovering from Abuse - Shifting Perspective

Adapted from the book Bullied by Neville Evans

Recovering from abuse, where we have be bullied or harassed can cause us a great deal of distress. Sometimes stress and worry can spiral out of control and we can add to that feeling of despair. On top of the problems experienced while being abused and bullied, we can create our own personal problems while trying to recover from abuse and walk around with a permanent grey cloud.

While we are recovering from abuse, it can be difficult , because we become unaware that we continually repeat the hurt and upset that we have been feeling. Our mind will focus on an upsetting event and constantly play the event over and over again. Imagine if you were made to watch a scary horror film - how do you feel after you have watched the film? Imagine watching the film on ten occasions one after the other - how would you feel? Repeating the hurt that you have received helps no one. You become more negative and people avoid you, and you become more frustrated and add to the problem. Our experiences of abuse have often left us with a persistent perspective of our life and other people. This article is about shifting that perspective on our journey of recovering from abuse.

The problem of repeating negative emotions such as anger, hatred, and mistrust is very serious. When we repeat the hurt we relive the bullying and abuse and we make it look, feel and seem bigger. We have created a monster that does not actually exist. This is ironic, as the bully also repeats the same habit prior to abusing you. If you feel that this is happening to you, you need to take a break, re-assess and take a different perspective. The following ideas may help you. Make your own self care plan and keep it with you for life. If things are getting too much, revert back to your self care plan. Sometimes we do forget to look after ourselves, or don't know how to.

Use Visualization As A Coping Tool

When the person bullying you is particularly nasty visualise them standing as a small clown with a big red nose. Use any type of visualization that helps you make light of a situation.

Focus On Something Else

Getting away from your troubles will allow you to reflect differently. The solution to life's troubles is sometimes right under our noses and focusing on something else helps us to see things differently.

Relax

Do not add to your busy life. A good old fashioned day off is just what the doctor ordered. Do the things that comfort you; take a nice hot bath, read a book, eat chocolate, or have a massage.

Do not Drink Alcohol

Alcohol is a depressant and will make you feel more depressed the next day. Using alcohol to try to solve your problems will inevitably lead to further feelings of despair.

Eat Regular Meals That Are Well Balanced And Contain The Correct Nutrients

Skipping meals adds to fatigue and stress. Certain foods are mood boosters.

Get A Good Night's Sleep

After a good night's sleep we begin the day in a better frame of mind. Try and keep to the same routine. Go to bed at 10 pm and rise at about 7 am.

Happiness List

Make a list of all the things that make you feel happy. Carry the list with you and read it once in a while. Focus on the feeling of happiness. Do the things that make you feel happy and treat yourself.

Help Others

Helping others helps you. By making someone else's life more pleasurable you gain friendship, support, skills, respect and new opportunities.

Have Fun

Be spontaneous and decide to do something new; push your boundaries and enjoy the moment.

Look After Your Pet

If you do not have to own your own pet you could instead walk a neighbour's dog or go and help at the local cattery. Animals offer so much happiness.

Exercise

Exercise has been proven to lift your mood. You do not have to be super fit as 20 minutes of exercise a day is all you need to do. Start slowly and build yourself up. Exercise has to be fun otherwise you will not commit to getting fit.

Meet New People Or Start A New Hobby

The old saying "A change is as good as a rest" is certainly true. A new direction in life can offer new opportunities. Education is an attitude of mind and helps to broaden your experiences. Look in your local library or town hall. Research groups on the internet.

Play Music

Classical music works on different levels and has a soothing effect on your mind, body and soul. The power of music is astonishing.

Write Poetry

Writing poetry allows us to express our inner feelings and helps us make sense of our world.

Walk In The Country

The green pastures of the countryside relax and soothe us, and combining the elements with exercise will rejuvenate you. The peace and tranquillity of nature has a calming effect.

Visit Your Friends And Family

Being around the people who matter to us helps us to reaffirm who we are and what we stand for. Visiting the people who care for us gives us an opportunity to talk and express ourselves.

Start The Day With Meditation

Your perception of the world starts with you. Starting the day with a clear mind allows you to concentrate and listen clearer. Qualities such as patience, calmness and tolerance develop. By becoming more centred you co-operate and have the ability to choose your responses to difficult situations. The article on Using Meditation to Heal Emotions explains how meditation can help us recover from abusive relationships and also provides some helpful meditations.

Article kindly provided by Neville Evans of Bullied Publishing, all writing is subject to copyright, however please feel free to disseminate to any person in need.

Other Articles by Neville Evans on this site:

• Leaving Abusive Relationships and Your Safety
• Safety Planning in Abusive Relationships
• Recovering From Abuse - Using Meditation To Heal

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