Positive Parenting for Children who have Witnessed Domestic Abuse

Positive parenting is an important issue for parents, mainly mothers, of chidlren who have been affected by living in a home where domestic abuse has been an issue. They are concerned about how it will affect the children as they grow up, and quite rightly so.

They may be worried that they will either become aggressive themselves, copying the violent and/or abusive parent, or that they will consider this sort of behaviour normal and get involved in an abusive relationship themselves.

Further concerns may include the possibility of turning to drink or drugs to cope with the feelings of guilt, shame and inadequacy which are often legacies of either being abused or witnessing abuse.

Removing oneself and the child from the abusive environment and providing a more stable home can help, and most Refuges offer care workers trained to help children cope with the trauma and effects of abuse. Many Refuges and Safe Houses provide specific support for children who have witnessed domestic violence, and a growing number also help the mother to develop more positive parenting patterns.

However, parents themselves have the greatest influence over the child, and learning and implementing positive parenting techniques will be the greatest help available to the child.

Women's Health West - an Australian organisation - provide Choosing Positive Paths Parent Information Kit specifically designed to provide families and supporting health professionals with information, advice and tips to help children come to terms with the domestic violence. There are 10 different kits designed for different age groups, from babies through to teens, which can be downloaded from the website: Positive Paths Parenting Kits.

One of the most important things we can do to help our children with the issues they face or may face in the future is to ensure we have worked through our own issues and are able to relate to them in a healthy manner. Looking after ourselves and our own recovery can and will only benefit our children too.

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