Physical Abuse

Physical abuse or assault is the most obvious form of Domestic Violence, the most visible, and arguably also the most lethal.

Assaults often start small, maybe a small shove during an argument, or forcefully grabbing your wrist, but over time, physical abuse (or battering) usually becomes more severe, and more frequent, and can result in the death of the victim.

Physical abuse can be understood to include any behaviour which causes actual physical harm to the victim, is designed to do so, or a threat to do so.

Many survivors of physical abuse have reported that the physical abuse started very small, with just a slap or a push, but that it got progressively more violent as time went by. Sometimes there will be no actual violence for years (though retrospectively many victims do realise that there was a lot of emotional and verbal abuse) and it is then a huge shock to the victim when the first assault occurs.

But once the physical abuse has started, it tends to continue, frequently getting more severe over time.

As in Shelley's experience, the abuser will usually blame the victim for the assaults, not taking responsibility for the violence they have perpetrated. Also Shelley's partner's statement that he did not like violence or blood, together with the apologies and tears which often follow a vicious assault, leave the victim feeling very confused. There is simply no way of reconciling the words with the actions. The combination of the attacker blaming the victim for the physical abuse and the apparent contradiction between what they say or how they appear in public and their behaviour, leaves the victim feeling that the abuse really is their fault.

A common accusation is that the victim has in some way started or caused the physical assault, and that the violence is only a natural and inevitable progression of something the victim has started.

This blame-shifting allows the victim to believe that if they just change their behaviour, the physical abuse will also stop. That it is within their control rather than something which is completely out of their personal control. But since the only person responsible for the bruises is the attacker, no matter how much the victim tries to modify her behaviour, the abuse is likely to continue.

Quite often, violence will only be used when it is 'needed', ie when other forms of abuse are no longer sufficient to control the victim and ensure compliance. Amelia sometimes went for years without receiving a beating, but recognises that this was only when she did not in any way usurp or question her husband's control over her.

Another aspect worth mentioning is that abusers will often claim that their physical abuse was not intentional, that they simply 'lost it' or that drink or drugs were to blame for the violence rather than they themselves. If that were really the case then one would assume the injuries to be all over the body, but this is often not the case.

While even so-called 'small' acts of physical violence can have devastating effects on the victim, as they then live in fear of the same - or worse - happening again, the physical abuse can frequently be so severe, that the victim would prefer death to having to continue experiencing the continued assaults:

When physical abuse turns lethal

With any form of physical assault there is a risk of causing death, whether or not the intention is there. Blows to the head can cause major trauma, brain damage, paralysis or even death or permanent disability.

Not only is there the risk of an assault actually harming the victim, there is also the very real risk of it killing an unborn child.

While physical abuse usually starts with small incidents, eg shoves, pushing, etc, and gradually gets more severe over time, this is not always the case. That is just the usual pattern, but there are exceptions. Less frequently, there will be no physical abuse within the relationship at all, nor even any indication of it, until one day the perpetrator literally assault their partner with the intention of killing them. The physical violence goes from zero to one hundred with no warning at all.

Vella survived, but has to spend the rest of her life in a wheel chair. That was the first time her partner had ever been physically abusive towards her and he fully intended to kill her. Kirsty had a very similar experience, after telling her boyfriend that the relationship was over. Given the beating she endured, it is a wonder she made it out alive, but during the physical assault she remembers being acutely aware of her partner's intention of killing her and her own thoughts and feelings.

Physical abuse is serious. As we have seen, it can kill both the direct victim and her unborn child. It can build up gradually or be sudden. It is frequently used to add to the fear factor when verbal abuse and emotional abuse no longer seem sufficient to keep the victim under control. But the abuser does not have to use physical violence often for it to be an effective control tool, even the threat of violence is often sufficient to ensure compliance in the victim.

Next: Domestic Violence Threats

Return from Physical Abuse to Types of Abuse