Lorna's Physical Violence Story

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It was only 1 month before Lorna's physical violence story started. Lorna was only a teen at the time, still living at home, only narrowly escaping being murdered at the hands of her boyfriend. And yet Lorna returns to the violence.

It all started when I was a few days off 17 I met Noel for the first time in March. I loved being around him and thought we would be good together. After just one month, that's when the physical violence started. It all started by us having a row about how many people I had slept with, and he hit me in the stomach. I started crying and he apologised straight away and promised he wouldn't do it again. I said I would give him one more chance and that was it.

A couple of weeks later, he hit me again and I forgave him. The beatings then became frequent, and he did worse and worse to me each time. He started to control who I went out with and who I had on my Facebook, contacts, ect ... I didn't think it was anything out of the ordinary, I just thought it was him caring and loving me and not wanting to lose me.

He gave me a black eye once after we had a row and he grabbed my face, so I grabbed his to get him of off me and he pushed my eyeball into my eye socket. That was the first time he had ever left a mark on my face. Usually he covered his tracks well and he would only use physical violence to bruise my body where nobody would see. One of my best friends, Ruth, started noticing the bruises on my legs and started asking questions, telling me I needed to get out and that I was in an abusive relationship, but I didn't want to listen or believe it.

After 10 months of being hit and put down by this guy who I loved, I finally told him that I no longer wanted to be with him anyway. I cut all connections and ignored all the phone calls. An old crush texted me and asked me to go to his house to stay, so I accepted as I was feeling upset and just wanted a way out, something to stop me talking to Noel.

After I had slept with the old crush, I began regretting it and just wanted to be with Noel again. I felt horrible, so I asked him to meet me in town. I met him and he asked me to go back out with him and said we could work on things, so I accepted and told him I would see him in a couple of days, as I needed a few days to myself. As soon as I got on the bus home I felt disgusting and I needed to tell Noel what I had done because I couldn't be with him and live with the guilt, so I rung him when I returned home. Whilst I was telling him, I could hear him getting angry by the tone of his voice. I could hear him smashing things up and then the phone went dead. I was so upset and didn't want to be alone, I just wanted him to be with me, so I texted his mate and asked him if he would ask Noel to meet me somewhere where we could talk so that I could explain how I felt and why I chose to sleep with someone else. Noel accepted and I caught the bus back to town. He texted me while I was on the bus and asked me to meet him in an alleyway - otherwise he wouldn't meet me. I was scared of what he might do to me, but I went anyway.

As I walked into the alleyway I saw him standing against the wall. He told me to come and stand in front of his face and he asked me why I had done it. I replied with "I just wanted a way out. I didn't want to be with you anyway and I was scared". He grabbed my face and began shouting at me. He then smacked my head against the wall and said I was dirt. He asked me other questions like 'was he good in bed' and 'did he have a bigger knob than me'. I was crying and said "why are you asking me this?". He grabbed my head again and smashed it against the wall and forced me to answer. I said no to both. He pushed me on the floor then grabbed me up by my hair and violently pushed me against the wall opposite. He got in my face and was asking more questions about the boy. I didn't reply, so he spat in my face and started repeatedly smashing my head against the wall and slapping me round the face. It felt like a sharp numb pain and I was begging him to stop. He said to me "you want me to stop? This is all your fault. You've fucked someone else!" He then said that he didn't want to be with me anymore and walked off. I pleaded that I just wanted him and no one else. I was alone and crying. I walked a bit to the other side of the alleyway and placed myself on the floor. I saw him coming back down the alleyway. He made me stand up and asked me for my fags. I asked him if I could just give him one as I only had three left but he snatched them off me.

Two people walked down the alleyway. I saw them first and told him someone was coming. He replied with "well you better kiss me then so they don't know anything's going on". I didn't want to, but he forced me and when they had walked past he pushed me away and spat in my face and called me dirt. I felt worthless and disgusting. I just wanted it all to go away.

He then walked off with the fags. I sat on the floor again crying. Then he returned back down the alleyway again and grabbed me up by my hair. He told me to put my head up because he wanted to look at me while he strangled me. I was pleading, saying please don't make me do that. He said that if I didn't, he would do worse things to me, so I did and he strangled me until I wasn't moving. He let go and I dropped to the floor. He left me on the floor and began calling me scum and spitting on me. I tried to get up and run off, but he pushed me over.

He grabbed me once again by my hair and pushed me against the wall. He began punching me in the stomach and slapping me round the face. I was screaming get off me. He then said to me "I wish I could drown you in the puddle - actually, yeah, I'm gonna drown you in it". I was screaming and he grabbed my hair and tried to push my head to the floor. He managed to get my face in it, but I was screaming so much that his mates came down the alleyway and Noel ran off. Sean helped me up and asked me if I was alright. He then rung Noel and asked where he was then they both went to him. I was still in the alleyway trying to ring my mum when he came back down. He smacked my head against the wall again and I screamed. Noel then texted Sean and David and told them to come back down the alley, and he began telling them what I was like and made me tell them about the boy I had slept with and what positions we had done.

I was ashamed and just wanted it all to go. He then left and told me it was over and made me promise I wouldn't tell anyone what he had done or he'd do worse.

I rang my mum and asked her to pick me up. She asked what was up and why I was crying. I just told her that me and Noel had had an argument. When she arrived, she asked why I was wet. I just said it was raining and asked her to not talk to me about it. As soon as I got home, I jumped into the shower. I just wanted to clean myself up and I didn't want anyone to know. I couldn't help it. I had to tell my sister about the physcial violence and everything that had happened. She made me tell my mum and, before long, all my family knew. My brother told me that I either rung the police or he'd kill him, so I had no choice. I didn't want my brother to sacrifice his job over some worthless boy.

The next few days, I wasn't in any fit state. I tried to go meet a friend, but I was in no fit state for a date and I just got upset and kept crying, saying that I looked horrible and had nothing to wear.

The next day I texted Noel and told him I wanted to get back together. I told him that I couldn't be on my own. He agreed, but only on the terms that he had to sleep with someone else so that we could be together. It killed me, but I agreed because I just wanted to be with him.

After he had done it, he rung me and told me. I cried and didn't know if I could do it, but I just got on with it. I began hating him. I wasn't nice to him and we argued more than we normally did. I went to my brother's house on Boxing Day a couple of months after it had all happened and we went to a pub for a few drinks. Noel kept ringing me, giving me abuse down the phone and told me I was finished. I felt nothing. I didn't care. He was stopping me from being out with my brother and I just wanted to do something for myself for once.

I knew everyone was worried about me and didn't want me to be with him, but I just couldn't see what he was - despite all the physical violence. The next morning I went back to Noel's place because all my stuff was there. He was in a rage with me and we argued. He started hitting me and throwing me around the room. I just wanted to go. I was screaming, telling him to get off me, and I texted a friend to pick me up. I knew that if I had stayed, he would have seriously hurt me. I was so scared. He wouldn't let me leave the room and he made me text my friend telling her not to come. Noel then said that he would make up with me. I asked if we could stay at my house instead of his, so my friend then picked us up and we went to mine. He wanted to sleep with me that night, but I made up an excuse. He was angry and called me all sorts of names, but I just tried to ignore it and go to sleep.

The next morning I felt nothing for him. I rung up Ruth and told her that I no longer wanted Noel around me and asked her for advice. She told me to just tell him the truth. I returned back to my room and sat down on the bed and began explaining that I couldn't do it anymore; I couldn't be with him and that he made me so unhappy, and I wished it was different. I told him that we tried, but we can't physically be together anymore and I was scared of him. We argued for a while and I shouted repeatedly "please just go. Please just get out my house". He walked out the room and went downstairs. I followed to make sure he was actually going. He turned around and noticed no-one was in the house. He said "no-one is around now, are they? No-one can help you now". He grabbed me by the throat and I began to cry and scream. Then he just left.

It took me 10 months to realise that I was in an abusive relationship - even with all the physical violence - and needed to get out, but I want people to read my story and realise that abusive relationships are so common now-a-days and you can always get out of it. You just have to realise it for yourself.

~ Lorna.

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