Kirsty's Domestic Violence Story

In a new town, lonely, Kirsty meets the 'perfect man', perfect, that is, until the night he tries to kill her. This is her domestic violence story, a story in which the mix of domestic violence and drugs nearly prevent Kirsty from leaving an abusive relationship:

I moved from Ohio to North Carolina to get out of a mentally abusive situation and start my life over. Left everything I knew and loved to begin a new life. I made a pact with myself that I was going to make "good decisions" from now on when it comes to men. So for the first time in my life I found myself single. Since I was 16 years old I have been in serious relationships. Every one had serious problems too. I needed some time to realize what I was doing wrong in picking a man and what I needed to change to not let it happen again.

So I find some friends. I quickly realized that I was very lonely and looking for that attention that I thought I needed from a man. My friends were all married and always trying to find the "perfect guy" for me. I declined all their invites for blind dates and went on alone for a few months.

One day at a friends house a guy shows up at the their door. He looked a little on the wild side which was not my thing at all. I like the clean cut smooth talkers better. They invited their new neighbor in and he looked at me like he had just seen an angel (that was how he explained the first time seeing me). One thing led to another and he talked me into a date after a few weeks of "smooth talking" . I had been in so many abnormal relationships that "persistence" seemed to be something I craved. I guess it made me feel like they REALLY cared. What it boils down to is that I was use to stalkers and bull crappers.

A very short time went by and he was basically living with me. We rarely argued, he bragged on me constantly, and I never saw any signs that he might get violent. What I was seeing is his money and my money quickly disappearing. He hid the drugs at first and then when he realized that I wouldn't complain ( I was brought up to take care of your man not hound him) he started doing drugs in front of me. I had never done drugs or really been around them. Smoking pot and taking pills didn't seem too bad I guess so I didn't say anything about it. I had a great job but found myself not being able to pay the bills and had to move. He wanted a house way out in the country so he could have his animals. We found a house on a large piece of land. The only neighbor was about 2000 feet away.

Two weeks later after his friends spent the night partying I decided it was time to tell him I was going to have to get out of the relationship. He didn't seem very upset, almost like he expected it. He was more concerned with how the bills were going to get paid that month. I told him that I would take care of them and that I would be looking for a house the next day. The next day was Sunday and I started out my day with organizing some of my things. Frankie had been in and out during that morning.

The only thing that I noticed was that he seemed a little off balance a few times but I figured he smocked pot before he came in. Around 8 that night he had some of his family come over and they sent me for beer. I went and got what they asked for thinking that it would be all of them drinking. Around 9 he started drinking. By 9:30 he had shotgunned 9 beers in front of me. By 11 the rest of the 18 pack was gone and he was the only one drinking. His family left and Frankie went to bed and passed out. I decided I would get in bed since I had to be up at 5 am. I got undressed (usually slept with nothing on since it was so hot in NC.) I got our phones to plug in to charge. Something I did every night.

As I was standing in the doorway to our room I see Frankie sit up in the bed. I can't explain it by I knew at that very moment that something bad was about to happen. I looked into his eyes as he rose from the bed and there was no doubt in my mind that it was the devil. He came at me with his hands already in the "choke position". His hands hit my neck and he picked me straight up in the air. I felt my neck cracking and then I was thrown against the wall. I knew if I got up and fought back that I had no chance. As I laid there for a second I was trying to quickly figure out what I was going to do next. Before I even had a chance to finish my thought I was being picked up from the floor by my hair. His hand was on my hair and his other hand was around my neck and he threw me from one side of the bedroom to the other where my head ended up inside of the wall. I hit so hard that it broke the drywall out on the other side of the wall. I tried to get up but I was upside down with my body wedged in between the wall and the bed. The drywall from the wall was in my eyes and I could barely see. He grabbed my arm and dragged me up on the bed and got on top of me. I wasn't crying or screaming. I just started begging him to stop and think. I kept saying over and over that I would give him anything he wanted and to think about what he was doing. That's when he put his face in my face. All I could do is see his red eyes. He said you are going to die tonight after I get tired of beating you. My eyes were open and the only thing I could see was my mother and sons' face looking at me with this sad expression on their faces. I knew that I would never see them again and all I wished for at that moment was that I could tell them I love them and I'm sorry for leaving them.

He took me by the hair again and grabbed my face and took me to the living room. I fell on the way and he started kicking me. I blocked my face and started praying. I was asking god to forgive me for all of my sins. He scooped me up again by my hair and took me to my big screen TV and put my face up to it. He smashed the screen in and then threw me again across the room. He reached up and grabbed the ceiling fan and with one swoop it came from the wall and straight towards my face. I moved to miss it which even made him more mad so he took my head and smashed it again into the other wall. I laid on the ground wondering how many more seconds I actually had to live and wondering what he would do with my body after he killed me. As I'm picturing him dragging my body out the door he picks up his phone and says you have 10 seconds to give me your mom's number so she could hear her daughter die on the phone. Those words were harder on me than knowing I was going to die. My mom was 600 miles away and she was about to be woken to hear me die. My mother and I are like best friends and she would never be the same after something like that. As I was yelling out her number he was trying to focus on punching in the numbers and for some reason he turned his back towards me. I can't even remember it being a thought, it was just a reaction. I turned to the door and went for it.

I can't remember running down the stairs or how I even got down them. I don't remember feeling the rocks or sticks under my feet. I just ran for the neighbor. I knew I didn't have time to look back to see if he was behind me but I remember thinking I wouldn't make it to the neighbors without him catching me. I got to the neighbors door and starting pounding and screaming, It was black all around me. The houses were in the middle of 32 acres. I glanced back to see if he was there and he wasn't yet. They had a big dog that was right next to the door and was going nuts barking. I knew that I'd rather face that dog than Frankie so I started to push the door in. As I was pushing the first time the door opened. At the same time I felt Frankie behind me. The neighbor slammed the door in his face. He had grabbed his gun when he heard someone pounding and showed it to Frankie through the glass in the door. Frankie had a butcher knife in his hand that he was about to stick in my back as I was running in the door. I ran through this house that I had never been in knocking everything down on the walls. I went to the couples bedroom and the wife was laying in the bed with a look of horror. There was a naked woman in her bedroom with blood all over her, I can't imagine how scared she must of been. I started moving things in front of the door. In my mind nothing was going to stop him from coming and getting me. I made my way to their closet and buried myself under their things and that's when I became hysterical. I was in shock. I will never forget that feeling. When I look back at it I think I was close to a mental break down.

The woman handed me the phone and the 911 operator kept telling me they were on their way and to calm down and give her info but I couldn't stop saying he's going to kill me. I heard the husband yelling saying he's smashing her car with a sledge hammer and then I heard him say here he comes again and he's running. My thought quickly went to the the wife and husband. We were all going to die and it was my fault. I knew I made a mistake and that I should have just let him get me instead of running. Next thing I heard was the operator on the phone saying they got him. This didn't make me feel better. I got no relief from 9 police officers being there. I wasn't leaving the closet. The police had to come and talk me out. I'd like to consider myself a strong person and handle things well. But this was too much for me to take. I finally came out and the woman gave me some clothes. I couldn't even dress myself. They took me to the house and it sounds funny now but all I could think about was wanting someone to hug me. They picked dry wall out of my hair and I could hear the woman cop say "by the looks of this house I don't know how she is alive".

Frankie had fought the cops and got hurt. They took us to the same hospital. He was around the corner from me in the emergency room and I could hear him yelling and saying tell her I'm sorry and he was asking if i was there.

I had to see him in court the next day. I tried to cover all the cuts and bruises on me so he couldn't see them. I don't know why I so concerned about that. I just had the worse night of my life and now I was sitting close to the man who wanted me to die.

I don't know if any part of this whole situation I could have prevented. But what I did next is something I will always regret.

They had him in jail on the same bond as two other men that had murder charges on them. Frankie had 7 major felony charges on him. I didn't feel safe but there was no way he was getting out and I was in the clear to get home, get my things and get back to Ohio.

He looked at me in court with this sad look on his face and sad "I'm so sorry and I love you". At that moment I forgave him. I still feared him but in my mind I blamed it all on the 13 xanex's he took ( I later found out) and the 18 beers.

I went home, packed my things and moved into another house in NC. As I was packing I found where he had hidden 3 large knifes in the dresser. He did that after I ran out. I guess he thought he would get me back to the house somehow and use them. I didn't sleep for at least a week. Every time I closed my eyes I saw his face as he was that night. I was terrified. I kept thinking, the longer I keep him in jail the madder he's going to get. 9 days of that and I went and dropped the charges. I missed him, I still felt like I needed him, I felt like I needed for him to make up for what he did. I longed for him to be his persistent self and woo me back. All the time fearing him. I went to see him. I told him all the details of what happened. He didn't remember everything apparently. I believed him when he said he was sorry.

I didn't move him back in but I think if he would have pushed for it I would have. As time went on I weaned myself away from him and I eventually moved back to Ohio. It has been a year and a half. Not one day goes by that I don't think about him busting my door down and killing me. I can't stop thinking about what he did and how I let him go free to possibly do it to someone else. I'm a plus size woman. Had I been a smaller girl I don't think I would have made it that night. The next one he gets a hold of might be small. I could have prevented that. I've never wanted him punished for what he did. I should have made sure he didn't hurt anyone else.

I never saw a counselor, I never asked for help. I don't know if it would have made a difference or not. All I know is it feels like it happened yesterday. I barely sleep, I have so much anxiety that sleeping is impossible until my body just can't take it anymore. I don't talk about it anymore to anyone but I feel like I want to constantly talk about it. I guess because I'm constantly reliving it in my head.

If there is anyone out there in an abusive situation please do what it takes to get out and do not wait. No matter how much you love them or how hard it might be financially it's not worth dying over. You will get over the love!

~Kirsty