Isabelle's story - Verbal and Physical Abuse towards a mother and her children

After rekindling a childhood romance, Isabelle' long dream turned into a verbal and physical abuse story. Initially she thought his presence would help, eventually he became not only abusive toward her and her children, but also threatened her ex-usband. A final violent outburst infront of the children was the final straw.

It started in 2010. My ex-husband who had been cheating on me had moved out. My mom had passed away and I was seriously depressed. It was just then that an old boyfriend from college contacted me. We started talking on the phone and stuff (he lived very far away from me), and I went and visited him. After that we ended up dating again.

I should note here that I have two children with my ex-husband. He is a good father and he loves his children and they love him. I have tried very, very hard to never say anything negative about him in front of the children. Over the last couple of years, my ex-husband and I have been civil with each other and we communicate all issues about our children, and our children know if they want to do something then they have to get both of our approval. So no issues there....

My children did not like my "new" boyfriend, which bothered me, but I tried to stick it out. He would be verbally abusing me by yelling at me for letting my ex-husband park his boat in the garage (that was "betrayal" for him). He yelled at me for not calling the cops when my ex-husband took a broken lawn mower out of my garage (after I had already bought a new one), fixed it and used it to mow grass (another betrayal). He said that my trying to keep the peace between me and my ex-husband for the sake of the kids was also a betrayal of him.

My kids hated him. Over time, they became extremely disrespectful (which bothered me), but he was constantly yelling, screaming and punching holes in walls. He called me a manipulator. He called my children evil and vile and any number of things. He told my children that their father was evil and vile and was going to hell. He told them they were evil and vile and going to hell. He told me I was evil and vile and going to hell.

I do not like conflict. It is a serious personality flaw that I have. I will do anything to avoid conflict, so I did everything I could to prevent it. I constantly caved in to him, or sometimes I appeared to do as he asked but didn't and, since he was far away, he couldn't confirm it. He threatened to leave me on a regular basis. He threatened to have my ex-husband arrested (by framing him). He threatened to get me fired, or post sexually explicit pictures of me on the internet. He threatened to have my kids taken away from me and put in foster care so that they would get beaten up like they deserved to be for not liking him and being rude to him. I just couldn't take it anymore (still no physical abuse yet).

I broke it off with him becauce of the verbal and physical abuse, and the threats and tried to have no contact with him at all. Then the threats got worse. Finally I contacted his family and asked if they could get him to stop. I was terrified, and he would send me emails and tell me I was terrified because I was evil and everyone was going to know what an abuser I was. He actually said that he never threatened me, and that he was only saying what he could do if he had really wanted to hurt me, but I still, to this day, feel that what he calls 'comments' were made intentionally to scare me into submission.

Verbal and Physical Abuse are not always for apart!

On Labour Day of this year (2013) he showed up at my house (uninvited and unannounced, from his home 1500 miles away). My daughter left and went to stay at her dad's and would not return until he was gone. My son, however, stayed with me. I realize now I should have never let him in the house. We got into a huge fight once again about my ex and my children. I told him to leave. He was upstairs packing and broke a picture (he had already punched holes in the walls and dented the metal garage door with his fist). I went upstairs to see what was going on and proceeded to clean up the glass from the broken picture. That's when the physical abuse and violence started. He threw me on the floor and sat on my back and punched me in the back of the head. I tried to get away so I ran downstairs, but he grabbed my shirt and ripped it off me. He took me back upstairs and told me to sit there and shut the "f" up while he packed.

My son was in the house and I was terrified for him, so I kept trying to get away from my abuser but he kept blocking me. I was crying and he was screaming at me to shut up. Again, I found myself on the floor with him on top of me and his hands around my neck. I finally got downstairs and away from his physical abuse and was getting my son and myself out of the house, but he caught and punched me in the jaw three times right in front of my son.

Thankfully, the abuser has gone home now. His parents have promised to keep him away from me if I don't call the cops, so I haven't (although I believe it is a mistake). I have not spoken to him since then. I don't answer his calls and I don't respond to his texts and emails. He keeps claiming he is sorry and that I don't understand, that he is suffering from PTSD and that I should give him another chance, but then tells me I am going to hell for not giving him another chance, so I know he has not changed. I will not respond. Writing this has helped me not respond to his text today that his father is ill.

I don't love him anymore - that is for sure - but I feel guilty about hurting his feelings. I wish I could get past this part of it, but for some reason I cannot. I will just keep staying away. If he shows up at my house again, I will call the cops. My kids need both me and their father in their lives and I refuse to have them grow up in an environment where there is abuse. Hey, maybe it's only a matter of time before he can justify to himself that they deserve to be punished for not listening to him.

I really hope he finds the help he needs and gets better, but better or not, he will never be a part of my life again. I wish I could have recognized the verbal abuse at the beginning - then I think I would have known and been able to leave. It wasn't until he yelled and screamed at my kids about them and their father, and his verbal and physical abuse towards me that I walked away. I didn't think I deserved better, but I did knew they did. Now I know he never loved me and I do deserve better. Thankfully, through it all, my ex-husband was supportive and understanding towards me, and didn't take the kids away because I allowed this abusive person to ever come within 100 feet of his children.

God Bless Anyone that goes through this.

~ Isabella ~

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