Bipolar justification for abuse?

by b.

I live in abuse everyday.

I was diagnosed with bipolar last year when my abuser told me i had to check into the mental hospital or he would kick me out and take my kids away. I had never had any mental health issues but i had started to speak up against his controlling and he convinced me that I was crazy.

Since then he has made me doubt my own memory and make me think I am hallucinating. He will tell me that i didn't see things that I know I did and the kids will later tell me that they saw it too.

He will do his for weeks and then call the crisis hotline and have me admitted again. I have been to inpatient treatment 5 times in two years.

He uses my "mental illness" to isolate me. I am not allowed to leave the house without him. I can't answer the phone because it might be my family (even thought they gave up calling years ago) that I am not allowed to talk to because they made me this way. He says he doesn't want me talking to people because they will know I am crazy and it is embarrassing to my family. I am not allowed on the internet and not allowed to watch TV. I am required to spend three hours each day reading the bible and I have to look in the concordance for the word wife and read every chapter that contains that word. Then when I make it through the list I have to start over. This is supposed to make me learn what it is to be a good wife.

The last two times I have cut his hair he has beaten me because he does not think I am doing it right but after the haircut is over he never complains.

When he does not like my behavior he makes me sit in the walk-in closet with no chair so I must sit on the floor. He told our kids that it is not illegal because he lets me come out to use the bathroom.

I had to sleep in the closet last week because after taking the last of my medication from the pill organizer i did not immediately fill it back up and he said that every time he looks at it it is empty (but he checks it everyday and hadn't said anything until then) and that I am not taking my medicine.

I have no income and no family and no friends and no way out.

He also used to be in law enforcement and knows where the safe houses are.