barb

by barb
(northeast pa)

Been married 31 years. But I didn't know I was in an abusive relationship until I was choked for answering back.

We went to separate counselling . The physical abuse stopped, but the control didn't. It took 4 fighting years of me relentlessly standing up for my rights.

I also had no use of computer or phone. Going out was impossible etc etc

After his last mini stroke he started to Really change I wouldn't recommend waiting 25 years before you things get better. Also, the kids will repeat the cycle unless you stop it.

DVD counselling works.

Thanks for listening.

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Mar 14, 2015
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Answer for Barb
by: Lindsey

Wow, I am very sorry that you have spent so many years in an abusive relationship. Going for separate counselling was probably a good idea - joint counselling tends to make matters worse.

Still the counselling, while it gave you the power to stand up for him more, did not prevent him from continuing his abusive behaviour, he just changed tactics.

Counselling for abusive men in itself does not usually work, only proper batterer intervention programmes over a long period of time can help to start changing their thought patterns, beliefs and feelings of entitlement, which lead to the abuse, no matter what form it takes.

It is sad that the only thing which really has made a difference is that he had to have a stroke to change some of his thinking and become less abusive.

I wish you courage,
Lindsey

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