Anna's Domestic Violence Story

No longer a victim, Anna tells her domestic violence story as a survivor, who never realised in 8 years that daily psychological abuse was also part of an abusive relationship and would over time progress to physical assault. Here is her story:

I am no longer a victim, but a survivor of domestic violence. I left the relationship about a year and a half ago and although it was difficult to begin with, being safe became of paramount importance to me.

I was in the relationship for nearly eight years, never once realising that I was suffering from domestic violence thinking that it was only related to physical not mental abuse.

Last year I came across a very educational and informative website called www.hiddenhurt.co.uk. Reading about domestic violence and contacting the founder with my experience, I received the validation that I was longing for, I was not going mad, I had undergone a very traumatic period of my life filled with abuse. It felt as though someone had switched the light on and felt incredibly empowered, as I had felt so frightened, confused and brainwashed for so long.

I was humiliated, criticised and more disturbingly, isolated, becoming a virtual prisoner in my own home. I told no-one, as I was ashamed and was told that it was my fault. I was harassed and bullied into doing things that I didn't want to do. He was possessive and jealous and fiery and would blow up, at any time over anything. I was always walking on eggshells, in the end becoming compliant, just to keep the peace.

I will never stop taking precautions to hide my whereabouts. He would never leave me alone, every time I turned around, he was there or he called and e-mailed me constantly.

I was told 'no-one will ever love you, the way I do' and 'I will never understand why you need space'. This still rings in my ears, even today.

The moment I realised that I needed to leave is when he began hitting me in front of a sibling and also when a particular look appeared in his eyes, like he had begun to enjoy seeing me frightened.

The abuse became progressively worse, he dehumanised me, I became a non-person. I was so ashamed and humiliated … his father intervened and helped me to get out of there. The ironic thing is that the person who involuntarily contributed to my situation, became my saviour.

I really believe in divine intervention, without that I would not be alive today. I feel sure that in a fit of anger, he would have ended up really hurting or even killing me.

Day by day I take a piece back of myself and have grown stronger and happier than ever.' He attempted to win me back for about six months after I left, but I stayed strong and determined thanks to my supportive family members. They have no real clue what happened as I can't bring myself to tell them, although I think they suspect.

I believe that people are sent to teach us lessons about life and I have certainly learnt mine. As a result I have become enlightened and spiritual, I learnt about complementary medicine and healing. I am now a Reiki healer and have achieved a Diploma in Indian Massage. I feel like I have truly found myself and I am happy to finally be free.

Day by day I take a piece back of myself and have grown stronger and happier than ever in the process.

It is a hard road to travel, it is not easy and I still have the odd bad day and have trouble even thinking about even getting into another relationship as I am scared, but anything is possible if you believe and have faith.

There is light at the end of the tunnel. You don't have to live like this, there is an alternative and I never regret the day I left.

~ Anna.

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