About Hidden Hurt

About Hidden Hurt

Back in 2000 the internet was still fairly new and there was very little information available online about domestic violence, abusive relationships or sexual abuse. Having recently left an abusive relationship, I, Lindsey, was quite appalled at the lack of information, or how impersonal it seemed when I could find anything. I was still too shy and isolated to speak to people directly about my experiences, but I needed to make sense of all that had happened and have the opportunity of meeting people with similar experiences at least online.

With the encouragement of a few friends and other online DV site owners, I put together the first version of Hidden Hurt. The aim was to facilitate finding out about domestic abuse in a less formal tone and having the opportunity of discussing our situations and progress with other victims and survivors, hence offering mutual support. Also, I had not come across one other DV site which included spiritual issues within abusive relationships - so I was determined that Hidden Hurt would not ingnore such an important issue!

Over the years Hidden Hurt has grown to a much larger site than I possibly could have imagined when I uploaded the first few (rather sparse) pages, and today has well over a couple of million visitors per year, offering information, support and encouragement to victims, survivors, their friends and family, students, and even professionals working in the field of domestic violence. We also reach out and get a fair few enquiries from perpetrators of domestic abuse.

While the main content of Hidden Hurt is still written by me, we also receive contributions from survivors and professionals, which mean that Hidden Hurt keeps growing (see the list on the right-hand side of this page for some of the main contributors).

A few of years ago in 2010 - it became too time consuming to maintain Hidden Hurt entirely manually so we moved from the original server (which basically was just hosting the site - badly!) to SBI (Sitesell). SBI is MUCH much more than just a hosting company and has made a huge difference not just to how Hidden Hurt is presented, but also it has automated SO many function that I used to have to do individually, eg it automatically ensures the pages are formatted correctly, automatically informs all the search engines of the new page, increases the opportunity of visitor participation, regularly checks internal and external links and takes a lot of stress out of maintaining a growing website. It actually took over two weeks of my 'holiday time' to change the hosting server, because every single page had to be reformatted, but the effects and benefits have been paid back many many time since in lessening the now automated tasks which were previously taking me far too long. (More on how I actually built the site, and how you too could do the same - but avoiding some of the early mistakes and a lot of the work I initially created for myself - will follow soon!)

Hidden Hurt Message Forum

The Hidden Hurt Message Forum is an invaluable part of the functioning of the site. This is where visitors, current victims, survivors and some professionals can all come together and discuss their home situation, their experiences and possible ways forwards. Stories are exchanged, advice given and received.

Many of the articles on Hidden Hurt start with an idea brought up on the Forum, a topic which needs discussing or explaining, an experience somehow needing to be validated and ordered. Much of the resulting articles are really the combined wisdom and experiences of the forum members put into some form of readable and understandable order.

Many of the contributors to the Hidden Hurt Forum have been posting and keeping an eye on it for many years, eg Steve McCrea, who has been a complete star and has now written his own book to help women spot abusers within the first few dates (see right pannel for more information!). The welcome for any newcomer is always friendly and supportive. We all remember being there and holding out our hand, emptying our hearts for the first time. Please do come and visit us at http://hiddenhurt.freeforums.net . We look forward to meeting you!

About Hidden Hurt's Founder: Lindsey Mason

Lindsey is the single mother of 4 children (now all grown up, but not quite flown the nest ... seem to keep perching somewhere around the house when they get hungry or need money!) and also the lucky grandmother of a little girl, now 4 1/2, and an even more little boy of 11 months, for both of whom she has full care and responsibility.

Lindsey is an officially registered foster parent - though still having difficulties complying with all the necessary red tape! She currently lives in Luxembourg - and yes, that is Luxembourg in the middle of Europe, not the one in the USA! - and works for the Court of Justice of the European Communities, maintaining Hidden Hurt in her 'spare' time!

Apart from my personal experiences of domestic abuse and years of listening and reading to other tales from survivors of domestic violence, I have completed several abuse related and Child Protection courses, hold counselling qualifications, including first responder for sexual abuse, and am a qualified Freedom Programme Facilitator. Qualification can be provided if necessary. But basically I try to keep as up-to-date with all research and CPD courses available.

As well as writing most of Hidden Hurt, I have also contributed to "Real Rape, Real Pain" and am looking forward to contributing a chapter on living with intimate partner sexual violence to another book for professionals this coming year called "Perpetrators of Intimate Partner Sexual Violence: Prevention, Recognition, and Intervention."

Although I am frequently asked to participate in radio or other broadcasts, that has not been viable until now, as the old computer does not even have the possibility of holding a skype conversation and most interviewers need me to be in the UK to attend recording studios at short notice. However, in the future I am hoping to play a far greater part in advocating and educating about domestic abuse in all forms possible.

However, apart from kids and houswork and paid work and Hidden Hurt and grand children, two dogs and countless cats, I still have other eventual plans to open a rare breed pig farm (and possibly keep chicken too!) and run a coffee-bookshop, which could double as a DVA centre here in Luxembourg for holding the Freedom Programme and generally advocating and supporting victims and survivors. Plans are many, obstacles at times quite interesting, but progress is being made in the right direction ... slowly!

In my even more copious spare time I walks the dogs, mop the floors and moan about technology developing faster than I can follow!

All the best

Lindsey xxx

A final PS.

If you would ever like to contact me personally, you can send me an email to contact(a)hiddenhurt.co.uk. Make sure to state that it is safe to reply to that email address, or you are likely not to hear back from me at all. Too many abusers are computer savvy and trace such emails.

Or, you can fill in the contact form just here! Again, please mention in the contact form that it is safe for me to contact you using the email address given. Otherwise I simply do not dare take the risk.

And finally, you can always leave a message for me on the Hidden Hurt Message Forum - I usually check it at least twice a day (same applies to the email and contact form actually!

The benefit of posting on the Message Forum is that there are a wealth of other victims, survivors and professionals, who can often respond before I can, and also offer a greater insight and often better options or thoughts than you could expect from just myself!

Funding for Hidden Hurt

Hidden Hurt does not accept any paid advertising (mainly because it is from companies who would be quite happy to fleece already vulnerable people!). Therefore Hidden Hurt has up to now been completely self-funded. The cost of covering the basics, e.g. hosting, etc each year, are now covered by sales of books etc from Amazon. Any additional funding is provided purely on a voluntarily basis and privately.

We have recently realised that to keep Hidden Hurt as valuable a resource as it is for many, that we need to increase our income, as our expenditure, both financialy and in time is increasing dramatically. In part, starting to publishing Kindle e-books is a way of increasing the funding for Hidden Hurt while still offering the same service to our readers and visitors. If you ever feel like making a greater donation, then please contact me directly and I will be more than happy to provide you with the details needed to make a bank transfer!?

Special Thanks have to go though to Mr Alan Carlisle, who paid the hosting costs each year for a number of years, and also to Pirates Productions who kindly donated the entire process of one of their shows a number of years ago to enable Hidden Hurt to carry on, not only hosting the site but buying, reading and passing on the information contained in many specialist domestic abuse books and journals.

Help Support Hidden Hurt

Hidden Hurt is financially supported solely by individual contributions from private persons and the small affiliate payments from book sales. If you feel Hidden Hurt is a useful resource and should and would like to help keep Hidden Hurt going, then please feel free to donate as much or as little as you like.

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Further Funding Needs

Given that Hidden Hurt is, as mentioned above, growing faster than ever anticipated, this means that there are further funding needs which will need to be met in the very near future.

To give you a broad indication of how much these will amount to and what needs to be done to keep Hidden Hurt operating efficiently and meeting the needs from people around the globe, here is just a brief outline of some of the (not very distant) funding needs we will be requiring:

• A new computer - ours is completely outdated and has really been keeping going on a suitable mix or prayer, threats and the patience of my step-father, Alan, who keeps fiddling with it to get it working again! The expected cost of a new computer which contains all the whistles needed to keep working for a number of years will probably cost in the region of £800.
• Not only is the computer completely outdated, but so is the software needed to keep working on the Hidden Hurt site. The software which I currently use on my ancient computer, will not be able to work with a never version, so will have to be completely renewed. This includes (what was) Macromedia Dreamweaver, and Adobe Professional plus various other softwares which are of lesser importance and lesser value. I have estimated about £1500 for replacing the software alone.
• Improved Internet access - this is not too costly, in itself, as during the building work (mentioned below) we are already updating the internet access points and speed. (The cost of this has already been covered by donations received towards Hidden Hurt - THANK YOU VERY MUCH!)
• A new office - specifically designed for Hidden Hurt work specifically is already being constructed and is nearing completion state. So far, my grandmother has been footing the bill for this construction, but obviously I will need to pay her back once it is finished and I have the the funds available. Since my grandmother has already agreed to foot part of the cost of creating a new office, there will probably be another £8000 which will need to be repaid.
  
  The photo below shows the area in the attic (work already in progress here - velux window installed) which is the new designated office area for all Hidden Hurt & DV related stuff! This new office will be strictly out of bounds for sticky young fingers ... a problem I currently have in the corner of the communal room in which all HH work is currently being done!
  
  
  
• Over the last few years I have had to give up on our subscription to several DVA related journals, and am now really, really missing them, as they provided us with better and most up-to-date information in the domestic violence and abuse field, which helped me greatly in passing this knowledge on to Hidden Hurt visitors. If at all possible, I would like to be able to once again subscribe to these specialist journals, so as to be able to glean and learn as much information from them to then be in a better position to help other victims, survivors, and also - as does happen - perpetrators of domestic violence and abuse. The cost of these journals is not excessive, but currently beyond my means. The cost would be between £300-400 per year.
• Finally, one of the MOST expensive, but also one of the most important aspects, is that, after all these years, I have realised that I absolutely HAVE to employ someone locally to help with keeping Hidden Hurt updated and working properly on a daily basis, because it has simply grown too much for a one-woman-band to keep on top of, no matter how willing I may be - and no matter how much SBI has facilitated the process of maintaining the site, there are still plenty of 'on the ground' tasks to be completed on a daily basis! This is probably, well, not probably, but most definitely the MOST expensive addition and that for which we will be needing funding on an ongoing basis for along time. I have calculated that employing someone to help with Hidden Hurt for 20 hours per week, would be the equivalent of £8500 per annum - and this is likely to be an ongoing cost for the next few years!
• So, the best part of £20,000! And while the small amount of donations and the small commission from Amazon and Google, do help to keep Hidden Hurt afloat,they are not sufficient to give her a good old overhaul - they are very unlikely to cover such a sudden leap in expenses as is now necessary.

Help Support Hidden Hurt

Hidden Hurt is financially supported solely by individual contributions from private persons and the small affiliate payments from book sales. If you feel Hidden Hurt is a useful resource and should and would like to help keep Hidden Hurt going, then please feel free to donate as much or as little as you like.

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Crowdfunding Campaign About Hidden Hurt

We are hoping to set up a growdfunding campaign starting in September of this year, to help cover some of the ongoing costs for Hidden Hurt, but if you feel you can already make a small (or larger!) contribution BEFORE then, this would be greatly appreciated! Especailly since we are currently having to borrow money to do some of the work needed for Hidden Hurt.

Also, if you have found Hidden Hurt to be a valuable website for you personally, please do consider sending us your testimonial by the beginning of September. If you prefer to remain anonymous, then that is no problem, but equally, if you feel you could provide a short recording, this would also be much appreciated. We CAN assure anyone who whishes to remain anonymous, that this will most strictly be granted!

Obviously, once the crowdfunding campaign is up and ready, we will let anyone know who has registered to receive update emails or follows Hidden Hurt in other ways, eg blog, Facebook, Twitter, Hidden Hurt Forum, etc.

In the meantime, if you feel that Hidden Hurt is deserving of a few pounds/dollars or euros, please do consider donating directly on the website, as a lot of our expenses will be due before the crowdfunding campaign is off the ground.

Help Support Hidden Hurt

Hidden Hurt is financially supported solely by individual contributions from private persons and the small affiliate payments from book sales. If you feel Hidden Hurt is a useful resource and should and would like to help keep Hidden Hurt going, then please feel free to donate as much or as little as you like.

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How you can get involved in Hidden Hurt

There are many ways in which you can become involved with Hidden Hurt:

If you are a professional in the domestic abuse field, then please feel free to write an article on the subject of your specialty - this would be very gratefully received.

If you are a current victim of abuse or a survivor, send us your stories, poems and even drawings and paintings for display on Hidden Hurt. The Personal Stories section is the most visited on the whole site, as current victims are trying to make sense of what is happening in their lives, the stories and experiences of others help provide a reality check and give them hope that life can improve and one does not have to live with abuse forever.

If you have read a book or followed a survivor group and found them particularly helpful, why not write about this too and send it in? Quite often we are frightened of new things, such as walking into a room full of unknown women and men and it takes reassurance from others who have done it before to be able to take that first step. And there are so many books out there telling us how to behave and help ourselves and all the rest of it, there is no way we can read all of them, so if you have found one particularly helpful, spread the word by writing your impressions of the book to Hidden Hurt.

Finally, of course, everyone who has any knowledge of DVA can help on the Forum, just being there for others calling out for help – often for the first time.

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